Mandy’s Story
Survivor stories

Mandy's Story

It all started when I met my ex partner at a young and impressionable age.
Mandy's Story

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It all started when I met my ex partner at a young and impressionable age.  He was amazing and lovely in my eyes.  I had aspirations and hobbies and within three weeks he started to tell me he loved me and that he didn’t want me to go and leave him by following my dreams.  He wrote me letters telling me I was his princess and I was beautiful.  It all moved very quickly I gave up my hobbies and threw myself into his, as a young girl I was proud to be all grown up.  Once I was introduced to his family he started to expect me to go over and see him at his family home.  He rarely came to my family home, he would take me out on dates but would always be late.  He would say go my parents got to keep them keen, I would be waiting for him to arrive, always late. Things moved on and we would have some explosive arguments (generally when I had been out with friends).  We moved house and lived with some people that knew his family.  They never much liked him, and said that his family were awkward.  But when it came to his family I was put on a pedestal.  I learnt to drive and somehow I became his taxi service to nights out and taking our mutual friends out and picking them up after they had been out clubbing. I saw it as being kind.  He started to see me only four days a week (bearing in mind it was 7 days a week) I didn’t know then it was control as I never went out, binned all my friends because they were a bad influence on me.  I stayed at home with my parents.  I later found out from a good friend he cheated on me.  I now realise what was going on when he started to shame me in front of people and treat me like a slave.  Things moved on and time went by, I was there to serve him.  I always had to be where he could know where I was.  When we had rows I would write him letters (which I have kept) saying I’m sorry it’s all my fault.  

Move forward to when we moved in together.  He wanted complete control of the finances and I changed jobs several times because I wasn’t earning enough (he was a very high earner).  We had a joint account and I wasn’t allowed to touch any of the money for things I wanted as a young girl.  I got a job working for the government and did very well, he was never proud of me, only when I got a pay rise.  He still carried on being jack the lad, having sports cars that were expensive, I now realise all at my expense.  He had many credit cards and used the 0 percent deals to move money around.  But he still told me I couldn’t spend any money as we had a tight budget.  We still did the things young people did, going out and socialising.  But his friends were work colleagues, he only has one friend from school.  We still rowed, one night I was made to sit naked in our porch, in the middle of the night, his friends thought it was funny because I was drunk.  At 20 something that’s what we did, so I thought.  It brings me to tears because I was ridiculed and seen as a figure of fun.  His friends never said anything because he was their now manager and thought it best to stay on his right side.  There are so many things he did to me, one night I was late home and he had his hands around my throat and pinned me up against the wall, in front of friends. He never laid a finger on me again but still ridiculed me and treated me like a slave, he gaslit me all the time. 

Things calmed down for a while and we talked about getting married, later he was overheard to be saying she’s not worth it, it’s never going to happen.  I was completely unaware.  

Children came along and I was even more of a slave, he had no interest, his family did.  They crowded me and never gave me a chance to do anything, they ignored my wishes and just railroaded me and always had to be the first to see the children.  They are a Disneyland family as ever day is Disneyland.  My ex always said things cost too much money, he put food on the table but insisted on me paying the mortgage which took the majority of my part time wage.  There was one day on Boxing Day when my family came to dinner and my 1st born was not wanting their dinner and he bellowed at them to the point they were frightened! I picked them up and told him not to shout and said maybe they had eaten enough.  My mum got up from the table and disappeared.  I got the blame for my mum walking out.  Little did I know that my mother had witnessed abuse as a child as my grandfather verbally abused my grandmother.  We sat and had a chat and she told me everything and told me to enjoy my life as a mother and as a young girl.  I got a hobby which took me back to my childhood passions, I would take my children with me and he would come along too but didn’t enjoy it and always said the children were bored on every occasion.  It was four years ago my hobby took me to social media and meeting some good friends I have now, all over the country but nevertheless friends who I still have now, I was told they are not real friends.  Probably because they would see him for what he really is.  They did at an event because he made it very clear he didn’t want to be there and look after the children whilst I went off for part of the day to enjoy the company of likeminded people.   I met my now partner through this hobby and I had a bit of a fling with him, by this time my ex was belittling me at every opportunity in front of mutual friends and mocking me and getting my eldest child to say that ‘mummy is boring we want a new mum’ that was just one occasion.  My ex was very flamboyant, he had hot tub parties and played loud music and I was always the one who had to deal with the complaints from the neighbours.  I had one weekend where I went away to capture an event for my close friend and her family.  I spent the night with my now partner, there was nothing left of my relationship with my ex.  It was the wrong thing to do but after years of being in prison it was my way of saying I had enough and I wanted to be free.  He found out and went through my phone and saw the message exchange between me and my now partner.  This is when things ramped up! He started to go around our mutual friends who spoke to me afterwards and said do you realise what he is doing? We all know what has happened but it’s your business.  He kept all of the messages and printed them off, found where my now partner lived with his ex (they were no longer together) she emailed him and slandered my now partner and told a pack of lies.  My ex had obtained my phone and got into it which is an invasion of privacy! I was marched down to the sexual health clinic with a gun to my head (figure of speech) and was humiliated.  Everything came back clear.  I was fine.  I ceased contact with my now partner and tried to make a go of it with my ex for the sake of the children but he got a tracker put on my phone, I also later discovered when we eventually broke up for the second time because I had given time and I couldn’t cope with the daily abuse and humiliation which got worse and worse.  It had always been there, I thought it was my fault but was later told by a counselling session we both attended that he should except responsibility also for not respecting me and treating me like a person should be. The sessions came to an abrupt end as he didn’t like the truth.  In the meantime he involved the children saying mummy doesn’t love daddy anymore.  I had said to him to keep it quiet.  I didn’t want them to be involved.  I now know that he had a laptop in the house filming me, all the phones were linked up so he could see all my text messages, he also had a dash cam in the car (I have a memory card with stuff on) all to keep an eye on me and what I was doing.  I wasn’t allowed to go out with the other mums only seldom and one of the Mums was reporting back to him all the time.  When the relationship came to an end he smeared me and my now partner to everyone sending them emails and messages over Facebook messenger isolating me even more.  When we called time I stayed in the family home and he started to record me every time he started a row, normally in front of the children.  He also said that his sister will beat me up when she finds out what has happened.  I was terrified.  He took all the cars away from me, I had no transport. He still demanded money from me and I got legsl advice and was told to stop paying him as he said to my daughter we are not feeding mum anymore as she doesn’t deserve to be fed! I eventually agreed to move out under duress but things got worse! He would continue to start arguments and eventually I lost my cool as he had gone through my text messages on my phone.  He taunted me so much I lashed out.  In the meantime he recorded me and took this to the police to get me arrested for assault as I pushed him in the chest and he stepped on my youngest foot.  He then shouted that I had hurt him waving the phone that was recording in my face.  I was completely broken.  I was arrested later that day at my parents home in front of my children who were completely traumatised by this.  My eldest couldn’t understand why her dad was doing this to me.  I was later released but with a caution for assault and battery.  Leaving his criminal record clear and mine with a black mark against my name leaving it open for him to fight for custody of our children.  I was in such a state, I called the helpline, the police who told me to protect myself and understood what had happened.  All I wanted was to get out of there but I was protecting my children (so I thought).  I moved out some four months after the break up but went to mediation and he made it clear of his plans.  In the meantime engineering every situation possible to work in his favour.  So much happened and so much went on, I was further isolated from everyone all bar my family and friends around the country.  In the village where I lived at the time I was treated badly by everyone.  I had my car tyre slashed and all done under stealth (there was no cctv) my car was also hit by one of his family friends .  I was forced to live in extortionately expensive rented accommodation to the point where I couldn’t afford it anymore.  My parents decided to move and I wanted to be with them.  I had endured the worst time of my life, my children were not being looked after properly in his care and my eldest never wanted to go back to her dads and was starting to show signs of being traumatised.  So I planned my move to locate to where my parents were living and where my partner is based in the armed forces.  My ex in the meantime still knew exactly where I was and after fear of something happening to me and my house being watched, the cameras on the outside of his house, being watched every time I went to pick up the children as he would start arguments every time and blame me.  He continued to taunt me by saying he knew where I was at all times.  He triangulated with my friends that I had left.  He drove me to breaking point.  I moved some three hours away thinking I was safe then he applied to the court telling lies about me and how I cared for my children and threatened me on the phone.  His sister was beating my old propety door down as I still had furniture to collect making out I had kidnapped my children.  The police officer spoke to me and arranged a visit to the property I was in and the children were fine, they had everything they needed and were happy.  They knew about moving and wanted to be with me and my parents.  I had said to dad he can have contact and we would come to an arrangement.  He didn’t want that and wanted the children not to see me again.  They were traumatised by this but were too young to speak up.  So after years of abuse and stalking and destroying me I am in a better place but still fighting for my children to be with me.  I feel sad that I had to do it this way but I had no money to go to court at the time and he wanted revenge.  We are still in court but they don’t want to know about the domestic abuse.  He also is now the perfect dad having been hands off since they were born.  I did everything for them despite him having shared care. I also have evidence against every allegation made about me and I just wish to be heard and for sometime to listen to my side.  He took all my money, he took my children , destroyed friendships and destroyed me.  I’m now picking up the pieces and am much stronger having done research.  But this was his plan and his families plan to get rid of me.  My children want to be with me and stay with me and hate going back to their dad.  Despite everything that has happened, he is their dad albeit a liar and a bully and perhaps a sociopath.  His sister now helps him with their homework and their daily living whilst he’s on tinder finding the next victim.  He has two failed relationships since I left.  

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