It’s my life now
Survivor poems

It's my life now

I click the lock and I’m alone, A new beginning, a humble home
It's my life now

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I click the lock and I’m alone
A new beginning, a humble home
I make a drink and look around 
I find company in traffic sounds

I count my money in my purse 
I think Oh well, it could be worse
My money’s mine and mine to spend 
No thieving hand to steal or ‘lend’

I imagine colour on my walls
And tasteful art to adorn
I see new lamps, a rug, a throw
Books on shelves and plants to grow

They’ll come soon once I get a job
But first those debts, they’re a few Bob
I think why did it come to this?
I let him think what’s mine was his

It’s all his fault I’m in this mess!
It’s all my fault I wore that dress!
It’s all his fault that he’s a bruiser!
It’s all my fault that I’m the loser

I thought I deserved it for my sins
I thought of big and little things
I’d recount all and all again 
A ‘no win’ task and what to gain?

He seemed so nice at the very start
I fell so easily, he captured my heart
He’d stalked his prey and cast a net
I found out I was the wager in a bet

He used me to look after his son
He wanted custody, he thought he’d won
A business owner he wanted a fall guy
He forced me into it. He bled me dry

He’d promise this. He’d promise that
But if he did I’d eat my hat
He’d threaten and punch and joke I’m fat
He’s just a cruel gangland rat

I told no-one… We’ll would you? 
I didn’t know just what to do
“I’m fine” I’d lie, and “How are you”?
Then fix a smile that wasn’t true

It’s my life now and I am free
And freedom’s singing from the tree
I’ve no-one now controlling me
I can be all I was meant to be.

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