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Dark and light
Survivor poems

Dark and light

Like many others my life has often been full of both dark and light.
Datk and light, a series of poems

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Like many others my life has often been full of both dark and light.

My story is not an unusual one, but it should be:

No-one should be frightened in their own home,
No-one should feel they are unloved and alone.
No-one should have to curl up in a ball to protect an unborn child,
No-one should forget the last time they felt safe, relaxed or smiled.
No-one should accept this continual assault.
No-one should be made to feel it is their fault,

I think the hardest thing is to accept that these things have happened to you, but they are not your fault.
They changed you, but do not have to define you.
They leave you with a form of PTSD which never totally goes, but that is fine, that is better than the alternative. 
I can recommend writing poetry. For years I wrote it...stuffed it in a bag and threw the bag out when it was full. 
They didn't need to be read, they just needed to be written.
As are many women.... I am lucky to be alive having suffered many blows to the head and strangulations... but I am alive.....I am happy..... I am in love.....I have found a man who I can trust. 
There is a life after abuse....there is hope.
Even when we think we are broken and we cannot go on.

You’re Doing Fine 
When night time is longer than day,
When you can’t chase loneliness away,
When emptiness seems there to stay.
Just remember as you drink your wine,
You’re doing fine!
When children are not enough for you,
When each day is harder to get through,
When the weather is grey, and your mood is blue.
Just remember when you await bedtime,
You’re doing fine!
When bills pour in and moneys tight,
When financial predictions are never right,
When you have no strength left to fight.
Just remember when you’re on the line,
You’re doing fine!
When there is no-one there to give you love,
When you’ve lost all faith in God above,
When all that you have is not enough.
Just remember that your thoughts are mine,
You’re doing fine!
When you look at your children you can be proud,
When you need your friends they will be around,
When you really want something, it can be found.
Just remember you don’t need a sign,
You’re doing fine!

It is so difficult to escape an abusive or controlling relationship and sometimes when we do, we walk straight into another one. Is that because of our vulnerability or our lack of self respect?

Self-Respect 
I’d Like to give you self-respect,
Protect you from this cruel neglect.
Then give you strength to find your way,
To cope with life from day to day.
I’d like to tell you what to do,
Since I have floundered just like you.
But memories fade just like the pain.
And I have done the same again.
I’d like to say do not regret,
Through destiny our path is set.
But it’s not easy to break loose.
Caught in a cycle of abuse.
I’d like to show you what life could be,
More than this sad facsimile.
But to yourself you must be true,
If you are going to make it through.
I’d like to say that things will change,
But messed up lives don’t re-arrange.
It’s time to take another road,
It’s time to discard this heavy load.
So, give yourself some self-respect,
Leave behind this cruel neglect.
You have the strength to find your way,
Just live your life from day to day.

So, when we manage to escape, when we manage to pick ourselves up and live again when we manage to take control. How do we know if it is safe to trust again?

It seems impossible but, some people are ready, some people are caring,
some people don't need to control or hurt.

Are you ready? 
Are you ready to love me with a hole in my heart?
Are you ready to patch what has been torn apart?
Are you ready to rebuild what has been knocked down?
Are you ready to find a smile where there is a frown?
Are you ready to hold me when the nightmares haunt?
Are you ready to turn on the light when shadows taunt?
Are you ready for emotions that sometimes will grow?
Are you ready for tears when they start to flow?
Are you ready to understand what can't be explained?
Are you ready to cope with damage that cannot be contained?
Are you ready to accept the way I might react?
Are you ready for triggers that take me right back?
Are you ready to be strong when I need a rock?
Are you ready to be gentle if my strength takes a knock?
Are you ready to help me start my life a new?
Are you ready for the responsibility of me loving you?

We need to open our heart but first we need to open our eyes , the signs are often there. We need to open our ears, listen to the people we trust.
We need to believe we are worth more, we deserve to be valued and loved.
We need to learn what love is and what it is not.

Just Love Me
Do not hit me, do not hurt me,
Do not leave or desert me.
Just love me!
Do not use or abuse me
Do not baffle or confuse me
Just love me!
Do not rearrange my earth,
Do not diminish my worth
Just love me!
Do not criticise everything I do,
Do not doubt my love for you.
Just love me!
Do not isolate me from all I know,
Do not let bridges fall, barriers grow.
Just love me!
Do not chip away my confidence,
Do not eradicate all my defence.
Just love me!
Do not leave me an empty broken shell
Then find another you can break as well.
Just love me!

And if we realise it is not love we need to walk away, because we can.
Love is not always perfect, but it is not harmful.
Love is not always easy, but it does not inflict physical or mental pain. 
Love makes your life better not worse.

Sometimes Love
Sometimes love is elusive,
We wait for it for years.
Sometimes love surprises us, 
It finds us through our tears.

Sometimes love is calming, 
It's everything's alright. 
Sometimes love is constant, 
It's with you day and night.

Sometimes love is laughter, 
It lifts your spirits high. 
Sometimes love is easy, 
You don't ever have to try.

Sometimes love is powerful, 
It protects you from all harm.  
Sometimes love is gentle, 
It guides you with its charm.

Sometimes love is passionate, 
It sweeps you off your feet.  
Sometimes love is all those things, 
It makes your life complete.

Now that I understand what love is, I understand what it is not.

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